Bora Bora [a.k.a. Paradise]

Once upon a time, long ago, a small incandescent brat went to a small island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. He was told that it was the most stunning and relaxing place on Earth; that there was hardly another location that rivals the majesty and beauty of its landscapes, as well as the serenity and peace of its beaches. However, since that horridly moronic brat was just 10 years old, he was far more concerned with finally beating the Elite Four on Pokemon Red Version than he was in the spectacular views.

That little brat went to the beaches and played in the pools, and he wondered what the big deal was. How is this any different than the pools or beaches back home? Why did we get on a plane for 12 hours just to see this?

That sad little brat was me of course. Thirteen years later, the brat grew up into a much larger version of this same brat in many ways, but this bigger brat grew a fondness for travel and adventure. Thirteen years later, when the brat arrived back to the middle of the Pacific Ocean and looked outside of his balcony and saw the view, he finally understood what the hype was about. He understood once and for all why people rant and rave about a tiny island in the middle of seemingly nowhere, and why he flew 12 hours to this beach instead of driving 30 minutes to the beach near his home.

It’s amazing what can happen to your perspective when you look beyond the screen in front of you.

The view from beyond our balcony in Bora Bora

I’m a giant fan of the Pokemon franchise and everything, and I think those creators did a great job, but I don’t think anything compares to what the ultimate Creator made here on the far reaches of Earth.

Bora Bora is absolutely a place that you will want to go once in your life, even if you’re like me (not a beach-type). I believe there are three types of travelers:

beach type – loves warm weather and locations near the equator. Has the unique capability to unpack all stress, worries, or troubles as soon as there’s sand between their toes. Wants a beer and a beach body (but usually can’t have both, so chooses one).

mountain type – probably more cold-weather minded, or not particularly caring about the weather in general. Has strong, endurance-minded legs. Would rather walk to a volcano that’s 11 miles away than drive there. Has a mental orgasm when they see wildlife of any type (these days, I identify as a mountain type by the way).

city type – has a unique appreciation for concrete jungles and feats of engineering. Is in a constant tension between loving and loathing other human beings. Probably enjoys clubs, drinking, and pretending to know how to dance. If you check their Instagram, it looks like they lead the most exciting, blast of a life in humanity, packed with daily sex with other hot city types and meals cooked by extraordinary chefs. In reality, hasn’t gotten laid in 6 months, and watches Netflix for 11 hours a day. (I used to be a cis-city-type, but I changed my mind and now identify as a trans-mountain-type).

Now, of course, if you’re a beach type, then Bora Bora is likely the climax of island destinations. But even if you’re a mountain type or city type, this place is just so special and appealing in so many ways, that you become a beach type for the days that you’re there. You start appreciating nature, calm, beauty, and sea birds.


The water is so clear that in most parts, you can see straight through to the sandy bottom

Even the most ardent adrenaline junky will find their adrenaline replaced with serotonin as they settle down and relax on the beachside.

I don’t understand how I came to hate this place when I was younger. I’m glad I had the opportunity to return and set the record straight.

Can’t wait to tell you all more about this slice of paradise: Bora Bora.

-The Wandering Toucan

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